Strength & Vulnerability

WRITER: Summer Crosbie MA
Photographer: Diane Sagnier
Makeup: Karen Ze Eyenga
Model: Somalia Barro Et Shanon Barro
Designer: Léa Augereau

What does it mean to be strong? I suppose everyone’s definition of strength varies from person to person, culture to culture, circumstance to circumstance and surely it varies within the many different phases of life but it’s true to say that most humans value the character trait of strength.

With that we associate a feeling of power, contentedness and well-being. We naturally want to feel in control of our own journey, relationships and the decisions we make but life has a way of naturally bending us by presenting us with challenging situations. It happens with alarming frequency so what’s its universal purpose? To allow us to feel vulnerable.

Though a much less comfortable feeling, it must be monumentally paramount in creating a balanced life or the universe wouldn’t bring it to our door with such painstaking consistency.

With enough time and experience, we come to understand that vulnerability serves a great purpose. I always say, “These deep waters serve a celestial purpose”.

So let’s look at strength first and foremost. I can only give you things from my own personal perspective and I offer it with the necessary humility. The following is my advice on how to be strong.

1. Pursue God: I recognise that there are individuals who feel uncomfortable with the word God. So if it puts you at ease, change that word to the universe or the divine source or the one that is higher than you or whatever makes sense to you but pursue nonetheless. And you may ask, “What should I pursue?’ Well, I recommend that you pursue holy knowledge, spiritual wisdom and a personal relationship with the Divine. Recognise that you are human and limited and seek the all-knowing One for the strength that is freely offered. In order to be strong, one must recognise that one is weak. They are partners that hold hands just like the light and the dark, wisdom and ignorance, trust and doubt. So how do we accomplish this?

2. Pray: yes, you heard me right! Pray and pray constantly. What is prayer? Prayer is just a conversation with the divine. It is not merely a list of wants and needs or a cry for help when desperate, though sometimes those are the things we need to offer. It is, ultimately, an ever-flowing, never-ceasing conversation with the one who created everything. Wait, this is getting religious! Wrong. This is not about being religious but more about understanding your place in the universe. You are a recipient! You don’t have to go it alone.

3. Patience: well this is a big one. They say asking for patience is asking for a whole lot of trouble. The only way one learns true patience is to go through deep trial, to suffer setbacks, to mourn. But nonetheless, I maintain vehemently that it is a worthy endeavour. When we learn to be patient at the crossroads, become comfortable with waiting and feel sure that, in time, the universe delivers up all that we need, we are indeed strong. One might say, invincible.

4. Positivity: sometimes people say things to us like ‘look on the bright side’, ‘every dark cloud has a silver lining’, or ‘you are well’. At the time of our insecurity or suffering, these feel like useless clichés but in fact, each one is profoundly true and that is the standard for becoming a cliché. Don’t shrink from life’s roadblocks. Take responsibility for your attitude! It’s a simple as that. Be enlightened and spiritually large. Take every situation, no matter how seemingly grim or hopeless, and believe that it contains hope. Find something for which to be grateful. Give thanks in your heart. Say it out loud. Then move forward in that grateful state. This is a proven, tried and well–tested way of living.

5. Personal inventory: This can be an uncomfortable pursuit but one that reaps incredible benefits. Look at yourself, be willing to own your dark side, your foibles, your quirks. Take inventory and assess those areas where you truly need to grow. Ask yourself where you would like to be, how you would like to be remembered and set about pursuing that level of maturity. This will give you great strength and satisfaction.

6. Privacy: there are times when it is appropriate to keep things to yourself. You do not need to be a leaking vessel, sharing every challenge and need with others indiscriminately. Look at whether you are experiencing an urgent need and whether, in fact, time, faith and patience will bring a resolution to the problem. If it will, opt not to share unless there is an insured trustworthy friend available.

So if you’re still reading, I congratulate you. I hope that reading the advice of this life – seasoned soul isn’t wearing you down.

If you’re still game, let’s talk about the purpose of vulnerability. What is vulnerability anyway? One dictionary defines it as, “the state of being exposed “. It goes on to list particular circumstances but I felt it was good to end there. For that is really what it is, the state of being exposed. This is not a natural inclination for the human being. We spend great amounts of time protecting ourselves, guarding our own corner and manipulating circumstances so that we will not be left hanging with our backsides in the proverbial wind. It’s painful to be exposed; it creates a sense of great insecurity and discomfort in most of us. But when did anything courageous ever spring from your comfort zone?

SO, HOW DO WE ACTIVELY CREATE BALANCE?

1. Risk: to do this you must trust yourself and listen to your inner voice; it will always faithfully guide you. The problem is that when we feel uncomfortable, we often choose to dismiss that voice but it’s a rookie mistake. Take the road less travelled; spend money to make money, start without everything in place. Train yourself to seek growth and meaning rather than comfort and happiness. Expect that sometimes you will be in pain when experiencing vulnerability and view it as good.

2. Redirect: when people show you they aren’t to be trusted or a lover leaves you, when the bank turns down your loan or you fail in whatever way, redirect your thoughts to truth. Remind yourself that not everyone can or will be able to be there for you and be ok with that knowing something better is coming. My daily mantra is ‘Everything that is happening is supposed to be happening’. Say it until you mean it. Fake it till you make it.

3. Rombobiner: rom-bob-e-nay (that’s French for ‘rewind’) when you find yourself in trouble, stressed or overwhelmed, take a step back and reassess your position. Ask yourself what you’re thinking and whether those thoughts are polluting your pool of hope and joy. Decide to challenge yourself with new thoughts; ones that help you and push you forward.

4. Recommit: to being at one with the universe. Hoaky? Not really. Tune in to what the universe is bringing you and identify disastrous patterns you continually repeat. Look at your life with fresh eyes and an open heart. Renew your commitments to yourself by hook or by crook.

5. Reconnect: with yourself and your hopes on a daily basis. Choose your poison; be it meditation, prayer, fellowship with friends, exercise, music, painting or rest. The possibilities are endless but do it for you. Take time and make time.

To create balance we must welcome this idea of evenness, stability and measure.

No woman is an island. No one can be everything. No one is inexhaustible. Try being strong all the time and you’ll see what I mean. You’ll become depleted, demoralised and depressed. You’ll flounder and
burn out.

Take charge of your life by decision and decree. Write out your beautiful life-plan, your life-principle commitments. Look at that list every day and say them out loud if you need to. Tell people you trust deeply that you need them to journey with you. Tell them your goals and how you want to love and live. Call them when you’re in need and gain strength from being authentic with others.

And some days, you’ll have to force yourself to push through. Harness your strength and put on your blinders to the world crumbling around you. Say, “Screw this’, put on your favourite lippy and heels or your best organic beeswax lip balm and sandals and get the job done. Adjust your crown and proceed!